Lol My Life as a Girlfriend
Lily: she lets you fart in front of her?
Marshall: you go get that girl.
half of me: screw it i'm gonna eat pizza and ice cream and cookies because i am beautiful and special no matter what my body looks like
other half of me: omg how could you poison your body with those chemicals PUT THE OREO DOWN HONEY THINK OF YOUR HEALTH
elizabitchtaylor: Yes, I support traditional marriage. A union between one middle-aged man and a 13-year-old girl for a dowry of eighteen cows.
Is it just me, or is there another organism on this planet that gets peeved at Cupcake Wars? I mean, let’s face it, the show couldn’t survive if every cupcake was without flaw and no one screwed anything up, but the mistakes these people are making really make “cupcake wars” a misnomer. Some popular CW phrases: “I forgot the cupcake liner!” “CRAP. I put...
Tonight I was having a cigarette on Bowery outside a congee restaurant where I was having a drink with an old friend who’s in town for a couple days and there were all these sheets of paper in the street, like someone had dumped a box of loose leaf. They were blowing around and I thought about that window washing article that was in the New Yorker recently, about the guy seeing a whole connected...
“We’re all one thing, Lieutenant. That’s what I’ve come to realize. Like cells in a body. ‘Cept we can’t see the body. The way fish can’t see the ocean. And so we envy each other. Hurt each other. Hate each other. How silly is that? A heart cell hating a lung cell.”— Cassie from The Three. Via the movie Adaptation
Most Romantic Proposal You Will Ever Receive.
Introvert: I invite you to be in my personal space for the rest of my life, even though you aren't me.